Turning Down Adopters...Nicely

Yesterday at work (my office is part of the customer service industry) we had a seminar on how to "agreeably disagree," or techniques for politely offering a differing opinion.

It got me thinking about how rescuers can politely turn down adopters, especially the ones who don't fit certain requirements, e.g. plan to declaw cats, keep a dog outside on a chain, and so forth. In these situations, if we say to the adopter why we are denying them the pet (and I know some rescuers who refuse to give a reason...more on this later) this is an opportunity for the potential adopter to lose face and become defensive.

"What do you mean, I have to spay/neuter my cat/dog/whatever?! It's not natural!" (And I'm sure we've all heard that one!)

And instead of "attacking" the adopter, a good response might be:

"We appreciate your interest in Rex and are pleased that you are looking to adopt your next pet from rescue. We think Rex would fit better in a home where he would not be left outside alone all day, per the policy of our organization. In fact, our organization believes that dogs live healthier lives and have better relationships with their owners when allowed to live inside the home. Dogs left chained outside can become aggressive as well...."

Notice that words like "but," "however," "yet," etc. were not used. These words are actually quite powerful and can make the other person involved in the discussion (or argument) more defensive. Also, I give reasons for denying the dog.

And yes, there will be times when you can't be Mr. (or Ms.) Nice Rescuer. You will always have those potential adopters who've set their sites on a certain animal and become angry and/or verbally abusive. Communications consultant Sam Horn says that no one should have to put up with any sort of abuse or bully. This is the point at which you simply walk away and warn other groups to stay away from the adopter.

(And I highly recommend reading her book "Tongue Fu". It's a nifty little guide on conflict resolution and dealing with difficult people.)

With this all being said, I am aware that many rescuers prefer not to give reasons for rejecting a potential adopter on the grounds that the adopter in question will simply lie on the next rescue application. I think this is a valid concern. At the same time, I personally like to educate people whenever possible and dealing with a potential adopter is a great opportunity for educating.

Who knows? Even if they walk away angry they can't have that dog, that may plant a spark that leads them to question the necessity of leaving a chained up dog outside. It could happen.

As for the possibility that an adopter may simply lie to the next group, this is where you make a few call to other rescues in your area and simply give a little forewarning, maybe even call the local shelters even.

(And if you do so, don't forget my points below regarding defamation and all that good legal stuff!)